A Year of Self-Love: 114/365

I could feel myself slipping – the weight of a depressive episode dragging me – what with my recent ankle injury. But I fought and fought and fought. I refused to give in this time.

The last seven days I have been on a mission to get back to where I was previously: a mental state of Live in the Moment, the first of my intentions set for A Year of Self Love.

Even though the 10mg SSRIs I’ve taken daily since last September have helped tremendously, there have been pockets of I don’t want to get out of bed, which (for me) is the first indicator that I’m having – or about to have – a downer. So I talked to my doctor about it and we agreed to increase my dosage to 15mg/day to see if there’s a noticeable difference.

As the first week without crutches, I knew I had to ease back into walking so rather than attempt my usual 10,000 steps, I settled for 5,000 the first three days and 7,000 for the rest of the week.

Being limited to the couch or bed and being at the mercy of your friends, family and coworkers meant I ate whatever I could, which generally equated to take-out or drive-thru. Last week, I got on the scale, made a mental note of my starting point and focused on getting back on track with eating food my body loves and getting hydrated.

I purchased an electric oil diffuser and some new essential oils; my favourite right now is wild orange and ginger, which is such a nice warm and welcoming fragrance!

But the pièce de résistance has been getting back in the garden this weekend. To celebrate Earth Day, I planted 29 new trees, flowering shrubs, creepers and ferns. I spread mulch and watched an otherwise nondescript area come to life. It was a glorious day. I really do love gardening and the way it feels like therapy, digging and sweating, getting dirty, holding a living thing in your hands and lovingly putting it in the ground. Gardening gives hope for tomorrow. If you haven’t tried it yet as an alternative therapy for your depression, I highly recommend it.

I woke up the following morning and a smile spread over my still-sleepy face as I opened the front door and saw the flowers of one new creeper had opened all its petals to the morning sun. It was like witnessing life itself. And in that moment, I knew it would be a great day.


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